Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

For the first time in my life I do not have your calm prayerful advice to see me through lent. I have not been a faithful active Catholic in many years, but this year with you dead and gone I am ashamed of that fact.

Right now there are a great many what if’s in our life and I know that the church could be a solid guilding force in our lives. Even the kids miss going to church. I am not sure if I miss it more or if they miss it more, but that does not matter much. I know we should go. Yet I stay away, not even sure of what I am worried about.

Our last snow melted, in anodd personal way I have been eating the snow, as a personal way to grive your loss. I remember stories of snow made into ice cream but I just eat the fresh snow. Living here makes me sure that it is not a health risk. I know that we will not have snow all year long but this free extravgance is helping me and that is why I allow myself the chance. The snow now is in small round ice crystals. I secretly hope that my grief melts like this snow over time. Even when it can not been seen on the surface that it melts into my heart and keeps your memory alive forever in my soul.

No promises about how faithful our Lent will be as a family this year, but time will tell.

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