Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

I wish I knew what I was looking for today. I feel all mixed up and like there is something I need to find. I feel very lost again, still, all overagain I am not sure. I want to find something, but I am not sure what I want to find. I might have a chance at anouther good friend, but trusting her and getting to know her seems like to much of a risk now. I have been hurt to much in the last few years trusting friends is just not easy for me.  I wish you could advise me in this matter. I want you advice about so many things today.

Do you celebrate the chinese new year in Heaven?  Are you as happy there as you dreamed of?  Now the fear of knowing that I simply have to go on with out you is seting in for me. Now that your all the way gone I feel all alone, and I have reached a point where I know how it is now is how it is going to be.  I miss knowing that you know all of my falts and still love me.  Grandma what am I looking for today?

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